Letting Go of Guilt and Shame
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10 When you ask God for a clean heart, He will show what is polluting it. One thing that had been polluting my heart was guilt and shame. It took a long time before I was able to talk about the guilt and shame that I had been carrying. Ironically the guilt and shame did not come from something I had done. My guilt and shame came from association. I have heard the clichés about birds of a feather flock together and if you want to know a person’s character look at their friends. Nearly a year ago, guilt and shame entered my heart without me realizing it. About ten years or so, I met a woman and we just clicked. I didn’t know it at the time but we both walked in the prophetic. That was one of the reasons we were drawn to each other. We would speak when we saw each other at different church events. The end of 2010 God told me to get to know her better. I won’t bother you with all the details. By the beginning of 2011 she was pouring into me. I denied my prophetic call for most of my life. God allowed her to see it and encourage me in my call/gift. God used our friendship to catapult me to another level in Him. We were fast friends; we became best friends quickly. I never imagined my life without her. I was sure we would be each other’s maid of honor, the godmother to each other’s babies, and growing old as best friends. For about two and a half years we were inseparable. Fall of 2013 my world was turned upside down. One day I had a bff and the next day I found myself asking who was she. The woman who I told my secrets to, could be transparent with had a devastating secret that made me question my gift, my discernment, and my relationship with God. To make a long story short, she had been molesting children and I had no idea. Her secret was exposed and I was confused, shocked and hurt. She is now dealing with the consequences of the crimes she committed. But, I will say I love and miss my friend. Along with the confusion and hurt came guilt and shame. I began to wonder if the people who knew what she had done looked at me differently. I wondered if they thought I knew and said nothing. I went from that to since I am a prophet why couldn’t I see? Why didn’t I know? It’s been almost a year since God uncovered the secret, I have shared if with a few people close to me but when people ask about her I change the subject. I was afraid of being judged for her sin. The situation became too much for me to handle. I was spiritually drained and turned my back on her. I have to own that too. I stopped taking her calls; I have never written her or been to see her. I felt guilty about that too. Today I release the guilt and shame. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I no longer have a secret I’m afraid people will find out about. I’m not worried about judgment. I can let go of the shame of once having a best friend who has done something that many people find it hard to forgive. I thank God for loving me enough to clean me up and help me with my faults. I thank God for loving her. What are you dealing with guilt and shame? Maybe you have done something that makes you feel guilt and shame. It may not be as dramatic as murder, molestation, abortion or fornication, you may feel guilty for not being there for someone or for not doing something God told you to do. You may feel guilty for walking away from a marriage that wasn’t working and now your children don’t’ have both parents in the house. Whatever is causing the guilt and shame let it go! Perhaps you have been holding on to it so long that you have forgotten the source of your guilt and shame. Ask God to show it to you, and then ask Him to uproot it from your heart.